TOO FAR TO REACH 53

 

TOO FAR TO REACH 53

With my due date drowning nearer, I could not help but wonder what my life would be like. I had barely survived, I had no support from Jeff and aunty was not anywhere near to help me. It was so heartbreaking to think aunty almost turned a blind eye to my suffering. I did not bother to disturb my cousins in Luanshya when I returned because it was going to be very hard to get them to understand that I simply got married and left without a word to anybody. Being back home made me realize I could have made better decisions before leaving for South Africa. However, it was too late for anymore regrets. I was expecting a daughter and with the little money and tips I had been saving working as a bartender, I had managed to get what I needed. Basic things. I rented a boarding house in northmead area, I literally had a K6,000 on me when I returned to Zambia with no idea where to start. There was no time for mourning or beating myself down, I immediately left the airport and went looking for a room to rent. I could not be selective at this point, I knew with K6,000 I could barely survive.

The months that went by were not easy, i could not stop dreaming about Jeff or what had happened to us. I had cried and tried as hard as I could to repent so much to at least ease my karma. I loved Jeff with all my heart but nothing could describe why I even entertained Japhet. If I didn’t know any better I would say something had come over me. I would never in a million years intentionally cheat on my husband and worse off find myself in a web of blackmail by my lover. Anyway, it had happened and now here I was. Jeff and I had never been in touch since my return, i did not want to hurt him anymore by trying to reach out to him. He needed to heal and I needed to start my life. I did not even bother to stalk Jeff on social media as I knew he probably did not hesitate to move on seeing the wrath he had in his face when he chased me.

Luckily, I had so much energy during this pregnancy that not once did I feel pregnant except when I attempted to be superwoman and my body reminded me. I had been doing every chore I could and I was even working as a bartender in a  high-end restaurant / bar at the mall. My white boss was very kind and she made sure I was okay. I cried my heart out to get that job, I had tried everything and nothing was working. I needed the job and I got it.

It was a Sunday afternoon and I had just washed everything I needed to go with to the hospital, I was now only two weeks away and I was told it could be even earlier. I made sure I was prepared. After my laundry I returned to my room to rest, I had just lay my head on my bed when I got a message from aunty saying I should call her when I could. I found it a little odd but I prayed hoping there was no problem. Before I could call, I picked a picture by my bedside, it was the only picture I had of Jeff and i. All our other pictures went missing when I lost my phone just a week after arriving in Zambia. I cursed that day so much but then again I realised it may have been fate so I could forget Jeff and because of the nature of our marriage when it started, we shared no pictures together on social media. The photo I had of Jeff and I was always in my handbag, it was taken at a restaurant we went to just before we left for Indonesia. Jeff was so happy in the picture, he sat up so straight that you could not tell he was in a wheel chair. That picture always made me smile and cry a few times. .

I dialed Aunty’s line and she picked immediately. I thought of what to say immediately as I was quite disturbed by her absence since I returned to Zambia. I understood what I did was wrong but she was still my mother and I needed her.

“Halo..” aunty said excitedly.

“Hai..” I responded reluctantly

“You don’t sound too happy or that little human is making you tired? When are you due again?”

I kept quiet and let her get to what she wanted to share.

“kuleba uku mpyanika pa Sunday” she said.

I understood what she said meant there was going to be a ritual in which a deceased person’s name is passed on to another for the spirit of that person to continue living. It’s often a Zambian ritual. However, this didn’t make sense as the only deceased was my late aunty and as far as I was concerned my cousin took her  name. My cousin who happens to be this same Aunty’s daughter.

“Nde upwa kuli ba yama bobe”

(I am getting married to your uncle)

In that moment I was so disgusted and upset that if not for the holy spirit reminding me she was my aunty I would have insulted her.

“getting married to uncle? Uncle is your late sister’s husband!” I yelled

“It’s tradition..” she interrupted me.

I knew she only wanted to pass on her message and after that she hang up.