TOO FAR TO REACH 54

 

TOO FAR TO REACH 54

Aside dealing with the shock of my uncle’s marriage to aunty, I had a lot to handle emotionally with coming of my first child. It took a lot to accept that I was going to be a mother without a husband; that afternoon after talking to aunty, I felt sick. My body ached in very possible way but I didn’t think this had anything to do with my pregnancy. Well, I was wrong, after lying down for close to an hour it was evident I needed to go to the hospital. I still had not figured out who would take me there should something like this happen. At the boarding house, a young lady had been so kind to me. Natalie was only 19yrs old but she often took care of me, there were days when I could not even bring myself to cook and she came to cook and even help me with laundry. I called Natalie and asked her to book an ulendo taxi on my phone, I was suddenly in excruciating pain that even sitting upright felt like a punishment. While ulendo made their way, Natalie helped  pack my laundry which was now dry. She accompanied me to chelstone clinic.

While at the clinic, the nurses were so kind, I was not expecting to be treated with so much care. I needed it. My life had been hard enough.

“You will lay in here and pray very hard that you meet your baby soon” I sighed deeply

You see before now, I had prayed to God that my delivery would be so easy. However, I was well informed c- section would be an option. I gave myself a quick pep talk.

“Pumulo, you have come this far. You can do it. You will be an amazing mum and your daughter will be your best friend. Don’t worry much about what the outcome of all this will be”

As I repeatedly spoke to myself, it dawned on me how much hate and disgust I had for Japhet. In this moment alone I felt the devil tell me

“you will never ever be able to love this baby”

I had never felt so much hate in a moment that I was ready to get every pain killer in my bag to end my life.

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A nurse walked in to check pumulo’s blood pressure.

“its slightly low.. have you ever had this problem?” The nurse asked.

“Yes.. on my last pregnancy I had it” she replied

“We may need to observe it then and mum.. do you have anyone else here with you apart from your young sister?”

Pumulo was quiet and the nurse quickly apologised.

“Rest enough and try to be calm .. you will be okay”

Pumulo remained deep in thought when the nurse left, it had been hard enough. She wanted a better pregnancy from the drama she went through on her first. Quickly looking through her hand bag Pumulo found a lot of pain killers, most which she had never even used before.

“End it all… you will amount to nothing” a voice in her head spoke

The ward had three other ladies and the nurse had checked them all and said all was well. Pumulo left the ward pretending to be going to the bathroom. The moment she got there, she realised she had left her water and returned to the ward. One of the ladies who had been observing Pumulo closely saw her get a bottle of water. With limited strength the lady got up and followed Pumulo.

“My dear open this door, don’t do what you’re about to do. Nothing is so hard in this life that God can not handle… open this door please”

Pumulo hesitated to respond as she quickly opened her medicine, she was shaking and dropping some tablets in the process.

“Nurse!!!” the lady screamed.

“My dear open. Open up please… please don’t do it…” the lady cried.

“Nurse!!! Imwe iseni… someone call the nurse please” the lady screamed in tears.

“You don’t know me… why do you care about me… go away” Pumulo shouted

She had sweated profusely as she battled with her right hand to fit all the tablets in her hand. Pumulo was not thinking of anybody else at this point.