GETTING THEM 30

 GETTING THEM 30

I thought fate would owe me something different from what reality presented before me, between the sleepless nights and the now invisible tears which I cried each day, a new person existed. For the last 18 months, there was still no proof that my sister was capable of what she was accused of. Lumbiwe had been missing for that long and now all hope seemed to have left me, I was left alone in this cruel world with no one to fight for me but myself. I was down 5 abortions in the last year and Austin seemed to have gone far off from the relationship on my last abortion, he was not even the one who provided the money for it. I had lost so much weight that the man who often carried out my abortion looked me in the face and spelt out what I should have already known… “You are killing yourself” 

There was a strange but deep cutting silence in the room as I tried to slowly cover myself up in shame. This man was so used to seeing my nakedness that there was little I could hide from him. I still did not know his name or whether he was a qualified doctor, he often wore a white lab coat but anybody could wear those. The place was in Garden compound but quite decent, it was a small house which had a self-contained room that was turned into a theatre. The room often had clean sheets and well displayed utensils on a silver tray that was placed on a small wooden table next to the theatre bed. Everything looked sterilised and neat. 

I sat upright in pain and looked at the man who had now turned away to pack up the utensils he used on me. I was to go into the bath tub to have a bath if I wanted to or I could use the shower but this day I was not in the mood of doing any of that, I had no plans of being that comfortable. I wanted to go back to my small apartment in Kalingalinga. Yes, I had left the luxury apartment as Austin no longer paid for it, I had to pay for it twice which had me drained and to top it off I ordered rice through a friends connection in Nakonde but the business did not go well as people gave me a hard time paying up. It was all still like a dream as I just could not put my mind at what I must have done wrong to deserve all that Austin had begun to put me through. Initially, Austin was very supportive when it came to my situation regarding my sister but it wasn’t long before he realised he had me under his wings and all went chaotic, I had to start living with the idea that Austin had moved on from our relationship. Seeing Austin became a privilege and now I had bills accumulating and I often had to live on a K50 a week, he still came once in a while and my love for him was still deep but he was clearly far gone, I could not even question him.  

As I walked out of that clinic, I realised I had left the only money I had left in my airtel money account, between me and poverty was K35 in my bag which would get me home and probably something to drink as I was very thirsty.  On my way, I passed through Manda Hill mall as there was a short-cut to the station and I saw many ladies moving around flaunting their amazing bodies. My heart ached from the pain that I was now used to. How did my life get here?