TOO FAR TO REACH 5

 

TOO FAR TO REACH

CHAPTER 5

That day, as I returned to my house, it was more clear and apparent that something was really keeping Jeff away. I did not want to chaff myself but I felt he was affected by my pregnancy or maybe he actually felt something for me.. well I do not know.  A part of me just told me Jeff was upset with me and so I decided I would try and talk to him. Depending on his response, I would know whether or not I was going to open up about my pregnancy being his. One thing I was certain of was that he did not have the slightest idea it could be his because he did not know much about my life, I had never opened up about my relationship history so he would not know if I had somebody else. Jeff and I were going to talk on Monday and I hoped all would go as I had planned, I was going to ask to speak to him after work then maybe I would break the news.

Saturday morning I prepped for my antenatal visit and to get the news about my baby. I really wanted to know what baby I was expecting and how everything was going to be with a new bundle of joy in my life. I somehow felt motherhood instinct would kick in more with the gender of my baby known, as it was I was addressing my child with no idea its gender. Well, I got ready making sure I wore lose pants at the bottom as previously the nurse advised I avoid tight clothes so my belly could breathe and grow freely. I waited for the ulendo to pick me as I sipped on some juice by my gate, the day looked like it would be very sunny as it was already getting hot at 8am. The ulendo taxi pulled over and I quickly hopped in, the man was very professional and he took me to my destination without much chit chat. I paid my dues as the app had suggested according to my distance and I quickly dropped off. Luckily for me, the clinic did not have many people and I was just 5^th in line. My turn quickly came and I was taken to the scanning room. The gentleman was kind and he asked me to lie down on the small bed.

“This gel will be a little cold..” he said as he poured some gel on my stomach

“So is this your first scan?” he asked.

“Yes pretty much.. am I late?” I asked.

“Well I believe there’s a reason…” he charmingly replied.

“yes… there is..”

“ok so your babies are ….”

I looked at the screen in disbelief.

“Two babies!!!” I exclaimed

“yes mum… two… should we check gender?” he asked

“oh God… yes sure… oh my God” I replied with mixed emotions.

“Ok so your babies are both girls..” he said

I swallowed hard and a short gasp for air as I caught all my emotions… tears begun to roll from my eyes.

“Is everything okay?” he asked as he held my hand, he was way too kind.

I nodded my head as I tried to gather my emotions.

“yes.. I am okay”

However, the more I tried to gather myself the more my emotions were all over, it was really mixed emotions and I couldn’t help it. I just cried and cried. The gentleman was so calm and kind, it’s like this is something he was used to. After that episode I put myself together and left for home. When I got home I decided I was not going to allow myself to think too much, I started dancing so much and praising God that day. I sang and danced along to Tokumisa night by Michael Manya on YouTube… it’s like the Holy Spirit had arrived in my room. I was so filled and I just knew it would be well with me and these children. I could literally feel Gods presence and assurance that this was going to work out even when I did not know how. Sunday I was up early in the morning and I bathed in readiness for church, I was in pink that day in honor of my babies. Service went great and I felt like I had a family I could always go back to, my church gave me a sense of belonging and it was really about how I did not feel judged. I needed this after the life I had led.

Monday morning came and I was early at work that week, part of the reason was because I had prayed very hard about what I was going to do. I was going to approach Jeff after work; it was only wise that I did so. I had rehearsed out everything I was going to say that I hardly slept that night, the thought of what his reaction would be gave me chills but I still knew I had to do it. He needed to know. In my department, everyone used to come early such that even at my earliest everyone seemed to have arrived including Connie. There was still about 40 minutes before work could commence and I was already hating the fact that I came so early and now I would be bored. What baffled me was how everyone was on their phones and it seemed they were all looking at the same thing. I was concerned and even though I was never that inquisitive, I asked the guys what they were looking at. Sam was quick to respond.

“Its the engagement pictures.. have you not seen? Jeff has proposed.. no wonder he has been away from work.. he is in Cape town and he proposed to his girlfriend”

I felt something move in my stomach and if I didn’t know better I would have thought my pregnancy had aborted. I quickly sat down until I felt better, I needed not say anything to anyone, it was clear they had seen the news had startled me. I sat in my seat and tried so hard not to cry, I could not walk out as all eyes would be on me and I would remain the centre of gossip. I heavy lump of grief settled on my throat and i just wanted to burst out crying. However, I took a silent sigh as I pushed the tears back.

“God I need your grace” I whispered under my breath.

”I need your grace oh God”