TOO FAR TO REACH 26

 TOO FAR TO REACH

CHAPTER 26

I took a deep sigh of relief, shock and everything put together. I knew one day I would be able to enjoy life just like I saw it in the movies, somehow I believed and even though it seemed like a dream; I knew it would happen. I now believed the saying that you can only go as far as your mind can take you. Let me tell you something, there’s no where my mind would not take me, I dreamt of many good things in my childhood and that that is all that kept me going through all the harsh treatment. I would go to bed in rags but still saw myself laying in a king size bed just like aunty and uncles. I always imagined my life would be much better than it was, I never allowed myself dwell in self pity. It was my heart and my mind being in a place that made me feel okay to endure everything I did.

Jeff held my hand as we took the tour of our house, he was explaining every room to me but I hardly heard anything he said. My heart was giving thanks, my heart sung songs of praise. I could not believe how God could be so intentional over me. I must admit that it was surreal; I would never have thought anything would happen this way. Despite the fact that I always knew that I would live a better life, I never thought it would happen in a splash, this was all too much for me to take in so soon. Jeff repeatedly reminded me that we would be happy and we just needed to trust the process and be grateful that God had already opened one door for us and that was our babies who we were to prepare for. Jeff saying these things made me want to laugh because I believe God had already opened many doors, indeed though this pregnancy that seemed like a curse was actually opening many doors for me.

“Honey I need to use the bathroom” I said.

Jeff was quick to lead me to our bedroom bathroom. Our house had two rooms that were solely reserved for us; we had a bedroom upstairs and down stairs… I loved the top bedroom for its views but the bottom bedroom was more convenient especially because I was pregnant. We were already upstairs in our master room when I opted to get some alone time. I was really not so pressed but I just needed time to be alone and that was going to help me a lot.

I had barely walked into the bathroom when a sea of tears came oozing down my cheeks. I was so emotional, I could barely stand. I had to drag myself to the floor and lean against the door. 

“Oh my God… where do I start… Lord … all this …. Really? What did I do right oh God?” I said as my voice cracked under my breath. I cried so much

“Jesus thank you… thank you for not forgetting me, me… a common maid, a common helper… you picked me, washed me and made me whole again”

I was not half way through my prayer when I heard a knock on my door.

“Honey stop... please open the door”

I should have known, Jeff had seen it through me that I had emotions I needed to let out and the moment I was out of sight, it was all tears. I cried so much that I could not even get myself to open the door. Instead, I sensed Jeff also lean against the door as he sat on the floor.  

“Pumulo, I love you... and I do not say this to make you feel better. I have not married you because of our babies, even though I love you all so much but that is far from the reason why I have married you. Pumulo, I knew it will take time to ever get you off my mind from the first time I set my eyes on you. I knew without a doubt in my mind that you would make me happy but I could not just disturb you or the life you were genuinely trying to build for yourself. Pumulo you are enough, you’ve always been. I love you and you deserve more than all this.. You deserve the world and I will do whatever it is to ensure that you have the world for as long as I live. You and my children will never lack a thing. You will sleep peacefully knowing that your man is madly in love with you and he will do whatever it takes to ensure you are okay. Welcome home my wife, it is over. Finally, a place we can be happy and love each other freely”

I cried so much, I believed him. Somehow I had seen how Jeff often avoided looking me in the eyes and I could tell he either fancied me or completely despised me. I have never felt so secure in my life. i knew heartbreaks, I knew lack of self worth. I had lost all self worth until Jeff. Indeed I was enough and always had been.