GETTING THEM 5

GETTING THEM 5

I was back home and in my small room, the same room that had sack bags of clothes which my sister and I had outgrown but had trouble giving away. I swallowed hard as thoughts of what had happened hit me. I had made a resolution earlier to take it all in and just be happy for Kalanje; I was not even going to let it bother me. After the lunch we had gone to see a movie and through the whole movie I strongly decided to just be happy for Kalanje regardless of everything that I felt. A lump stuck on my throat the whole time and now that I was home an ocean of tears and what felt like endless misery overwhelmed me. 

If I was honest with myself, it wasn’t so much about Kalanje going away; it was about how he had viewed our friendship after so long. I felt we had built something deeper. To think Kalanje thought of us just being everlasting friends and nothing more hurt me to my soul. Not so much because I wanted him to be more than that, but quite frankly speaking, the friend title no longer appealed to me. To add salt to injury, Kalanje and Monique were going to school together. The same Monique who had once told me that I was biting more than I could chew if I thought I would fit into their circle. She was also Kalanje’s friend but also somebody who confidently felt she could date him. 

I cried bitterly, the world was really not what I thought it was anymore. Even the escape I had in my life was nothing but just an illusion; he was leaving me to pursue his future in another country. We were worlds apart, he was going to be overseas, no postcard, emails or calls would make me feel the way I did ever again. Life would not be the same for me. I heard the door to our room open as I buried my face under the pillow mourning, my lungs needing air and relief from the grief that overwhelmed me. The pain was too much, why was I never good enough? 

“What has happened? Why are you crying sis?” 

My sister’s words forced more grief and I cred even more.  “Ninshi… talk to me” she said shaking me. I could feel her worry and panic.

“What happened? Speak please… what has happened?”  With the little strength I had in me, I managed to explain in between deep cries. My sister was quietly listening and rubbing my shoulder. 

“You will be okay… don’t worry… all will be well… I managed to find the money for you to collect your results. We can apply at the Copperbelt university or UNZA.. I am sure you too will be fine” she said.

It took a lot of chatting and giggling the rest of the evening with my sister to get over what had happened. Kalanje caused me pain but a new realisation after my sister repeatedly told me… “Let the rich be alone, be you and you will attract what will come to you. The rich owe you nothing; you can become anything you want to become” 

When it came to me, my sister made sure she gave me the best counsel. She would have rather lost everything but made sure I would not end up a destitute. She did not want me to end up like her.