TOO FAR TO REACH 40

 

TOO FAR TO REACH 40

Aunty held my hand again as she sat next to me, she complained about the hospital being cold and she asked how I was feeling.

“I am okay.. I have the gloves on.. I am fine” I replied.

I was furious. Auntie’s touch felt like betrayal, I looked up to her and she was an example of good morals to me. Why would she be sleeping with her own sisters husband? I was so disgusted, I felt like I owed my late aunty an apology and that maybe I judged her too soon. She must have been frustrated and in a lot of pain but she could tell no one, of course it was a taboo and a shame to talk about something like that. I felt my poor aunty had been through a lot hence she took it all out on everybody. I became so emotional thinking about everything, aunty was no more, I wish I could look her in the eyes and just maybe say sorry for not understanding her. I wish I understood. It’s all I could have done.

“Pumulo.. do not start crying… don’t allow the devil to get you defeated. Pray my daughter” aunty said as she held my hands.

In my mind, all this was a bad dream. I had many questions in my mind and everybody who could at least make me feel better was nowhere … I never really knew my mother but a mother’s presence changed everything. Seeing my aunty trying to be concerned about me broke me even more, I did not know if she loved me genuinely at this point. From the messages it was clear she wanted everything aunty had, she was driven by greed and that is why she wanted a share of everything her sister had. Words crossed my mind, aunty had made it clear that she wanted me to be there for her children now that God had blessed me. Was her presence here a plot to secure her children’s future? Did she even genuinely love me? I bitterly wept again and now Mr. Cloud got concerned.

“Come here my dear, come let’s take a walk”

The cold hospital walls made me feel even worse, walking down this death trap made me feel emotionally drained and mentally defeated. It didn’t seem like there was much hope. I loved Jeff but boy was I stupid. I think life was showing me the reality of how things happen. We sat on a lonely bench leading to a doctor’s office. The office was locked. The bench faced a plain wall.

“Pumulo listen to me...” Mr. cloud said.

“Jeff is in the hands of Almighty God, only he can decide what happens from here.. let us ask God to hear our prayer … make your petition . .. nothing is impossible for God. A prayer made by a loved one is a very powerful prayer. You love Jeff, I know you and I have always known.. I see it through you when you are together that is why I sent you to Chipata together… it was no coincidence. I could see it in both of you..”

My mind drifted a little as I thought of Chipata, Mr cloud was serious? I could not believe it. I thought it was because I was the best at my job.

“What happened later was… well it happened so fast and I was patiently waiting to see it unfold… what I am saying is that… I know this is destiny. You two were destined to be together… yes love suffers a little but in perfect time it all works out well. I trust you are a strong girl… my best team leader… you are everything and more. I see it in you… you just don’t know it…”

I calmed a little as his words brought me assurance.

“Pumulo, we are not here to leave Jeff… Jeff is going home with us… you have a whole life ahead of you. Trust that”

I was concerned, how could he be so confident?

“Are you sure?” I asked.

Mr cloud looked at me

“Are you ready to let go of Jeff?” he asked.

“No.. I will never be” I said.

“Then you shouldn’t… hold on to him so tight… never give up on him”

I surrendered as my head hang low.

“one day you will tell this story to your children. I hope to be there when all this happens” he said.

There was a wave of silence as we held hands, I had no desire to speak. I looked at Mr. Cloud quietly and I saw the exhaustion on his face as he stared at the wall opposite us. For that moment alone through all this journey, I felt blessed.